Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
