Betty ford says i'm here all night
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
