I hate your face
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize