She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
