I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
im six kinds of drunk right now
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
