you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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