just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize