There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
