This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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