i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I faked an abortion last night.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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