we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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