she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
