I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
