Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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