at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
