I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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