I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize