I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
