He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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