Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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