Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
