I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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