He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
