That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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