ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
