just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
