You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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