His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
