Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
