I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Sober January is a disaster.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
