Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
