'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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