is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
