my vag is so smooth its legendary
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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