what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
3 2 1 whiskey
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
