Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
