i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
