you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
