Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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