I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
