I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
