If i come over, it means nothing
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
