Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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