I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
