Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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