she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
