we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
