Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
