Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
