dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
