My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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