Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
