2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
