this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
