non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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