Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
