Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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