yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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