I think my vagina is haunted
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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