my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
