This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
