there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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