is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
