i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
