I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Randomize
