and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
