so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
