Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I need moral support for this bender
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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