Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
