Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
