if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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