This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You're like the curious george of whores
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
