Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
