I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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