We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
