it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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