I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize