Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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