You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
